Wait WHAT? I’m meant to be introducing the thing? Could’ve told me sooner!
Ahem! OK. Hello and welcome to the inaugural edition of High Score Haute Couture, the biggest, the best, the most flamboyantly over the top gaming catwalk event ever, hosted by yours truly AND the newly appointed king of video game fashion knowledge, author of the infamous Best Jackets in Video games and also of a recent treatise on the use of Belts in Video Games, the marvelous Chris, from OverThinker Y.
We know you’ve been excited about this for literally minutes, so I’ll get straight to the point. Today me and Chris are hosting our own Video Game Catwalks. They are jam-packed full of stars from the gaming world strutting their stuff and trying to impress YOU – our knowledgeable readers. In a twist to normality, we made this more challenging by picking characters for each other to write about, so before continuing, why not sashay over to the OverThinker Y’s fashion zone and see which D-Pad Divas I’ve suggested for him.
I said that our characters are trying to impress YOU right? Well that is because we want you to choose the winners! Don’t go just picking your favourite character. We want to know who was the most stylish, whose catwalk had the most pizzaz! You have a voice – make sure you use it by completing the polls at the end of each show and look out for the winning pair being announced on May 4th.
Winning PAIR I hear you cry? That would be a crime against fashion right? So the fashion frolics will not end on May 4th. Oh no. Once the winners of each catwalk are decided we will then host a FACE-OFF between the pair you select, each writing a post to be published on May 11th, describing our character’s final walk down the runway. The shocking twist this time will be that we switch characters. Devious I know! But how on earth will we select the overall winner? Well, three (or more…) carefully selected judges will then have some time to go away and consider which of the pair should be the winner and publish their findings independently. The votes will be tallied and the winner will be announced!
Auditions Volunteers for the judges roles would be very welcome, so please let me or Chris know if you are interested and we will fill you in with all the juicy details.
Enough administrative babbling. Lets get this show on the road!
Lights. Cameras. Action.
Hello and welcome to the show. I’ll be your host for this evening, so why not get a drink, take a seat, and prepare to be dazzled by the fashions we’ve got on show for you tonight. Before our stars start strutting their stuff, just a quick advertisement for tonight’s sponsors, Tokyo’s very own Fortuna Entertainment:
Fortuna have very kindly provided drinks and snacks for the evening, and one of their own superstar idols will be taking part in Chris’s event, so make sure you go check it out!
That’s all the necessary’s taken care of, so lets prepare to welcome our first model to the runway.
*Lights dim, a huge disco ball descends from the ceiling*
Please stand and put your hands together for one of the deadliest men in video game history…
What a start! Isn’t the Agent looking killer tonight ladies and gentleman? There’s no cloning this look though, he really owns it! Just take a look at that suit will you? With that striking red tie and tie-clip he is looking the height of sophistication as he marches down the runway. He’s a serious one alright, not much smiling for the camera, but you’ve got to love the attention to detail. A glance around here, a tug on the gloves there. I wonder what he needs those gloves for?
Although usually one to stay away from the spotlight, he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble adjusting to it. I’ve never seen this pose before. He looks like he’s… glaring at someone. Does he recognise them? Wait, he’s reaching into his jacket. What kind of stunt is he planning? The man in the audience looks afraid. But wait, this is a fashion show Agent 47! Agent 47?
Phew! It was just a pose for the photographers, and what a pose at that! I guess if he has any business with that guy he can just take care of it later, right? After the show if that’s ok? Good!
A nice quick spin, and he’s retreating back along the runway, calm as anything. What a start indeed, he really assassinated that catwalk.
Thank you, thank you all, that was a lot of appreciation you showed for the Agent’s well-tailored style. Whose next to take to the catwalk I wonder?
What an earth was that noise?! Ah, I see, that’s our next model’s entourage – stay back folks, they bite! Please welcome to the catwalk a woman so deadly she can take you out from kilometers away, and not just with her sassy outfit. She’s got Metal Gear Style, she is:
Game: Metal Gear Solid
Yes, I know. You’ve been missing her since all that stuff on Shadow Moses Island, right audience? But tonight is her big night on the catwalk! Or should that be the Wolfwalk? Hang on a second, where is she? Er, Sniper Wolf?
Ohhhh, don’t worry audience, you see that tiny red light in the centre of that guys head? That’ll be her, she’s just staying under cover. I can’t believe she is pulling this trick after Agent 47’s little stunt! I guess she really wants to win! Hang on? Who is that rather handsome but well camouflaged chap with the little red light on his head? Isn’t he…? Oh come on! Who invited Snake to this party? I mean he is a funny guy, but I really hope security took his weapons on the way in.
Here we go everyone, the Sniper is finally swaying her way down the runway. Those wolves she has with her really do make quite the fashion statement! I hope that swaying isn’t the effects of too much diazepam. And now she’s…? What is she doing? I’m frankly not sure but that PSG-1 is starting to freak people out. I can hear a lot of you out there taking pictures, let’s just hope Snake didn’t bring any chaff grenades, that would really ruin these fabulous shots you’re getting. To think of all the things she has been through to get here – from being born on a battlefield in Iraqi Kurdistan to torturing snakes in Alaska! She is one tough lady. But enough of these distractions, I know what you all want to know: the clothes right? Well Sniper Wolf is looking just fabulous tonight in her camo gear. Those chunky khaki boots are a really nice touch. She finally makes it to the end of the runway and pulls off a quick turn. Camo gear can be kind of unflattering, but oh no. She is owning this look and shooting down any doubters. It’s quite warm in the arena tonight but I hope she does that jacket up before returning to Alaska, it can get kind of nippy up there!
As she and the wolves disappear back down the runway, so it is time for our next arrival!
By the way, did you see that massive airship in the parking lot? The one next to that little yellow number? No idea how he got it parked, but our next contestant really gambled on getting a parking space! Please welcome to the stage, a man making his great return:
Game: Final Fantasy VI
Oh my! What have we got here? Here comes Setzer, and he certainly knows how to twirl that coat, and oooooooh can he flick that gorgeous silver hair, it’s really sparkling under the lights.
Of course Setzer is used to big occasions like this, at least he certainly used to enjoy hanging out at the opera, but in reality he’s only here because he lost a coin toss. He is really shaking things up out there in his high-class garb though! Just look at the tailoring on that shirt! And what’s this? He has a purple scarf to match his eyes – but will he untie it and flick it into the audience? Of course he will! Looks like a lucky blonde lady in the crowd caught it! Don’t think she’ll be giving that back any time soon!
A spin around shows off the exquisite detail on that coat, the gold cuffs, the subtle but high quality checkerboard lining and even the gold fringes. With a final twirl, he makes his way back down the runway, leaving a trail of playing cards in his wake.
Do you need a Gin and Tonic yet? I definitely do! Anyway! Back to business. The Legal Business that is. No objections from the crowd for our next cat-walker OK? Please welcome:
Game: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies
Profession: Defense Attorney
Bounding on to the stage comes Athena, really rocking those yellows and blues. She’s trotting down the catwalk so lightly it almost looks like she’s walking on air. Hang on though ladies and gentleman, could that be down to those astro-boots? I guess growing up at the Cosmos Space Centre gave this girl an interesting sense of style, it’s amazing she is able to maintain that cheery demeanour given what she went through there mind you.
This courtroom revolutionnaire really knows how to accessorize. Those new-moon earrings really add to the space aesthetic, whilst that necklace… there’s something about it. I’m sure it was blue when she entered but it’s changed to a nice green colour now. As she continues to the end of the runway, it is almost as if it is smiling at you. These fabulous accessories go hand in hand with the rest of her look, a pristine white shirt unbuttoned at the top, coupled with a nonchalantly tied neck tie, not to mention the casual ‘one glove’ look.
Smart enough for the courtroom, stylish enough for the catwalk. That my friends is what I call Turnabout Style!
What a show it has been so far! Can you believe that it is time for our last model to take to the runway…but how will she make her entrance? Well this lady has it all. She can roll, she can run, she can grapple and she can shoot, and tonight my wonderful NPC’s she is looking Metroid Fine! Please welcome:
Game: Metroid Series
Profession: Bounty Hunter
Remember that yellow ship I mentioned earlier? Well I didn’t realise it could get into the building but here it is, hovering at the catwalk entrance. And what’s this? The ship is landing on the catwalk! A small capsule shoots downwards and steam emanates outward. A low but tuneful hum comes from the arena’s speakers:
*Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
What an entrance as Samus steps forth onto the catwalk! With a burst of phazon from her arm cannon sending silver sparks into the air, Samus has clearly been practicing this entrance! She struts to the centre of the catwalk and stops in a fantastic pose, arm cannon held aloft. The audience are positively screaming to get her photograph. Hang on. Maybe that’s not why they are screaming.
What is that flying jelly fish? It looks kind of hungry! *POW* Thankfully this is all part of Samus’s show, it was just a pesky Metroid, easily taken out with an ice missile. She really is showing off all her moves here.
With a quick salute she turns and runs back along the runway, briefly transforming into morph ball as she goes. Stopping just before the exit, she waves, and with a flash of light suddenly shows us a glimpse of blue. Her fabled Zero suit perhaps? The ship’s capsule descends once more and just like that she is whisked away for her next mission…
…and so the curtain comes down on what I hope you will agree has been a fantastic evening. Do feel free to hang around for some cocktails courtesy of our sponsors Fortuna Entertainment, and please don’t forget to vote for your winning catwalk on your way out using the poll at the bottom. Check back on May 4th when the winning pair will be announced. We are currently recruiting for judges for the FINAL FACE-OFF, so please do let us know if you would be interested in taking part!
Now if you haven’t done so already, get yourself over to OverThinker Y, where there is more passion for fashion than a handsome dog could shake a smoking pipe at *winks*.
Good night everyone (and don’t forget to vote!),