Let me extend a warm welcome to all my readers from around the World on this auspicious occasion. We are gathered here today for the marriage of…hang on….I can’t read the names…well, that doesn’t matter, we are gathered here for a grand (and expensive looking) wedding, the likes of which has rarely been seen before in the world of video game blogging.
The question set is as follows:
It is coming into wedding season, if the shops and people I know are anything to go by. So in that spirit, you and a plus-one are attending the gaming wedding of the year. Which video game character do you take to the wedding and which character gives you advice on what to wear?
‘In that spirit’ huh? Well, we’ll see!
Soooooo, I got this invite to the latest Video Game wedding. It got kinda smudged in the post, I think it must have been raining, so I couldn’t actually make out who was getting married. Was it perhaps Peach and Bowser again? Maybe *cringes* Zelda & Link? It doesn’t really matter. I got the invite and I know it is going to be a high-class event with no expense spared.
The thing is, I don’t really like weddings. I know, I know, they are beautiful celebrations of two people’s love for each other, blah blah! But you know, they are expensive to go to, you have to socialise with lots of people you don’t know and/or don’t like, and you never have any idea where your next meal is going to come from.
Therefore, with this positive and wholesome attitude, I’ve decided to use this unexpected invitation as an opportunity. An opportunity for personal gain via the introduction of some light (OK, moderate. OK, maybe actually quite bad) villainry. For this I will require two people: A mysterious spy and a sky pirate.
For what I have planned I need to look classy. This is an expensive wedding, so I need to fit in. I don’t want to stand out too much and definitely don’t want to outshine the bride, but I need a fancy dress – something a bit, I dunno, haute couture? As I’ve discussed before there is plenty of this in the world of video games, but my outfit also needs an element of practicality, for….nefarious purposes. Therefore, as my outfit advisor I’ve sought the advice of a somewhat hard to locate corporate pharmaceuticals spy:
(Resident Evil series)
Lots of Ada’s outfits would work here. I asked her about the mini-dress but she thought that for my purposes it might be a bit on the short side.
Next up she showed me the leather trousers with snazzy blouse and necklace ensemble. This lady knows how to accessorize on the go, I mean just look at that crossbow, but I was worried it might be slightly too…I dunno…Pharma-chic?
Eventually she shows me one I like. Oh yes. This is a thing of beauty. Red silk, gorgeous butterfly detailing, a slide split (that maybe goes slightly too high but I can have it altered). It has it all. She’s also lending me her extremely ‘in-right-now’ choker. The ensemble can be worn with not-completely-unreasonable-but still-quite-high-heeled shoes! Perfect! Whats-more, the dress can be accesorized with a range of weaponry and, what’s this? A hookshot? Why ON EARTH would I need to make a quick get-away from this beautiful event?
A quick get-away, however, is one thing my plus-one gives me the opportunity to do.
Now, I have noticed that some of the other Question of the Month competitors have chosen a plus-one with the emphasis placed on ‘fun’ or sometimes ‘friendship’, but there really is only one route to go when deciding on a plus-one, and that route is PIRACY!
How else am I going to make good on my dastardly plan to steal ALL the wedding favours before dinner AND escape before anyone notices? *Gasps*. What are you looking at me like that for? I told you I had a plan!
The thing with pirates, thieves and other nefarious types though, is that they don’t always dress, shall we say, ‘appropriately’ for weddings. Since I went to all the effort of tracking down a mysterious double agent and risked giving my identity away to the Umbrella Corporation just to get the right dress, I decided that my partner in crime had to look the part too.
So, they need to be well dressed, have good social skills for dealing with the other guests, have their own transport and have some skills when it comes to stealing. There is literally only one person who fulfills all of these criteria, and he is:
(Final Fantasy XII)
OK, OK, I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking “Pix just picked Balthier as her plus-one because he is a dashing young man!” But you’re wrong! Well, not entirely wrong, but let me explain.
We’re going to rock-up at this fancy wedding in his sky ship – The Strahl. We’re both dressed for the occasion and will immediately start schmoozing with the other guests. Balthier will be good at this because he is the ‘leading man’ (or so he likes to say) and was brought up in high-society, so he isn’t short on charm. Whilst he’s entertaining the crowds with his tales of piracy and pretending nonchalantly that he doesn’t do that anymore, I’ll be chatting to a waitress, getting the lowdown on the whereabouts of the wedding favours.
Info acquired, I’ll send the sky pirate to steal the delicious (and hopefully alcoholic) treats. This is the only bit I have doubts about. It is important that he doesn’t get distracted by other stealable objects such as the gifts for the happy couple and the wedding rings (which he has previous with), carrying all that would be too much, but I’m hopeful he will stick to the plan.
Favours in hand, we’ll make a sharp get-away using the hookshot Ada lent me, which just about reaches back to the Strahl, and we’ll be up in the air in no time. Escape made, we can cruise through the sky to some pirate hangout in Balfonheim and enjoy the spoils of our day without even having to sit through the speeches or the inevitable scuffle between the bridesmaids.
So what do you think of my evil plan? Do you still want to invite me to your wedding? Let me know in comments and find out how to post your own answer to the question over at Later Levels!
Thanks for reading,